駱玟著作「被遺忘的埃及」共五集，目前只出到第三集，畫了那法媞媞與阿卡那騰，我的內在有不同的反應…
那法媞媞
我自認是個理性之人，但是在畫跟女王相關的圖像時，我發現自己好像中了什麼毒一樣…昨晚在畫女王頭的時候，我的內在整個心花怒放、吵到我根本沒辦法好好做畫…
”喔喔喔我真的好愛你喔！(尖叫)”
”我們可不可以不只是網友？(拉衣角)”
”我真的真的真的真的超崇拜你的！！(大眼睛淚眼汪汪貓咪樣)”
”嫁給我好嗎？(獻花)”
喂喂喂！逼逼！(吹口哨)這個這個…太犯規了！現在到底是怎麼一回事？
覺察到這份不知從哪而來瘋狂地愛慕之情實在令我困惑。但我似乎能了解見過那法堤堤的埃及眾王們內心對她的鍾愛，而我的愛慕根本不及眾王們的百分之一…那法堤堤果然是可怕的女人…過去和現在都能擄獲這麼多人的心！
好啦，只是想分享一下這個做畫小插曲，內在請你冷靜一下好嗎！(用力搖肩膀)收斂點！只不過畫個圖就這副模樣了，見到本人那還得了…豈不昏倒了？？？
能拿到這顆女王頭的埃及子民們，我非常確定你們會感受到那份滿到不能再滿的愛意！花了兩個小時只畫這七顆小石子，本人與高靈已心滿意足也！
I reckon myself as a reasonable person until I start painting Nefertiti, it was like I am heavily drugged by some sort of stuff. Last night when I was painting the queen’s head, my mind was blossom with heaps of love and scream so loud that I can’t even focus on my painting.
“Oh my god!!!!!!I love you SO MUCH!!!!!(Screaming)”
“Can we be more than just internet friend?(pulling the corner of the cloth)”
“ I adore you so so so so very very much!!!!!!(with Shrek cat eyes)”
“Will you marry me?(flowers up)
What!!!Beeeeeeeeeeep!!(blowing whistle)this is out of control!! What’s going on here??
It confused me when I aware of this crazy love from nowhere. I kind of realize that how come all the Egyptian King who met Nefertiti going so crazy about her and love her so much. And believe me, mine is not even 1% compares to theirs. Nefertiti is really a horrible woman..she captured the hearts of so many both in the past and present!
Alright, I just wanna share this episode happening last night. Please calm down my inner mind will you?(Shoulder shaking)Enough! Can’t believe you behave like this just by simply painting her, then what’s going to happen when you see her in real life? Fainted I reckon..
Whoever picked by these queen’s head rocks I am sure you will definitely feel the abundant love from it. Spending the whole 2 hours painting only the 7 of these pebbles, I feel my mind and soul are fulfilled.
阿卡那騰
畫完了阿卡那騰，我發現了我的內在走著兩種極端 …
畫那法媞媞時我的內在是癡情破表、尖叫到不行的瘋狂粉絲，畫阿卡那騰時，我的內在只有「冷」字可以形容…一整個安靜得不像話…
拿起畫筆我感覺到內在很安靜，沒多想，我開始做畫。平常作畫時，我習慣與自己對話、思考人生，但是今天在畫阿卡那騰時，內在什麼話也沒有，讓我覺得有點奇怪。
(畫阿卡的臉)
頭腦：天哪，好深的膚色喔 ！都跟巧克力一樣了！
內在：(安靜無語)
手：(調色中，下筆，把臉畫歪)
頭腦：這個臉型根本是外星人吧！
(平常鐵定會跟著我笑翻的內在，卻仍是安靜無語)
手：(努力修正)
頭腦：內在你怎麼這麼安靜？要不要跟阿卡打聲招呼？
內在：(翻白眼後默默離場)
疑？怎麼回事？難道內在是在害怕阿卡嗎？
噤若寒蟬是我唯一能形容內在當時的狀況。這就有趣了…
我以為阿卡那騰應該跟那法媞媞一樣，是讓子民也會想主動親近的在上者，但我的內在卻不敢靠近他，連平常嘮叨的個性都收斂了起來，不說話就是不說話，對阿卡除了敬畏還帶著一點恐懼。是什麼恐懼啊？
在我問這句話的時候，我的經驗馬上回答了我…原來，我怕的是「忌妒之心」！我怕那種因忌妒而做出不理性之舉的人，我曾經交過一個這樣的男友，深深體悟過那是什麼樣的感覺！
天哪天哪！原來我的內在知道阿卡也是這樣的一號人物，不自覺的就保持了距離，悶不吭聲的，就怕被怎麼樣啊？？？
內在不理我的作畫，我比平常花上一倍的時間這邊修那邊修，怎麼畫都無法畫如意。
我畫出了一個很嚴肅、眼神不會笑的阿卡，我怎麼修都修不好，內在就是不跟我妥協，因為這就是他眼中的阿卡，不像駱玟畫的充滿柔情的阿卡。
好吧，我盡力了。也謝謝阿卡讓我抓到這樣的一個內在的恐懼，我會好好正視。
I just finished painting Akhenaten and found out that there were two extremes coexist inside me.
While I was painting Nefertiti, I was a screaming crazy fan. But when I was painting Akhenaten, “Cold” is the only word I can describe, just so quiet.
I can feel my mind is quiet when I pick up my brush. I wasn’t thinking that much and just started painting. As usual, I like to talk to myself and think about life when I was painting. But today my mind has nothing to say when I was painting Akhenaten, I feel bit weird.
(painting face)
Brain: Oh gosh! Such a dark skin colour! Almost like chocolate!
Mind: (quiet)
Hand: (Toning, paint, make a wrong shape of the face)
Brain: This shape of the face is exactly like an Alien!
(Usually my mind would definitely laugh with me but today it just stay quiet..)
Hand: (try to correct)
Brain: Why are you so quiet Mind? Do you wanna say hello to Akhenaten?
Mind: (Eye rolling then left)
What? What happened? Are you scared of Akhenaten?
“Keep quiet out of fear” is the only feeling my mind had at that moment. That’s interesting..
I thought Akhenaten was just like Nefertiti, a governor who made others feel like wanting to get close to. But my mind dare not get close to Akhenaten at all. It covers up its talkative personality, not a word came out of its mouth. There’s respect with a bit of fear. Wait, what kind of fear is that?
As I questioned, my experiences answered straight away...I fear of “the heart of jealous. “ I fear of the kind of person who does unreasonable things out of jealous. I once had a boyfriend like that, and I exactly know how it feels!
Oh my oh my! Now I understand why my mind kept a distance and kept its silence because it didn’t want to get in trouble when it knew exactly what kind of person Akhenaten was!
Without my mind’s instruction, I spent double time to do the painting and I can’t paint well. No matter how I corrected it, my mind just won’t compromise. This is the Akhenaten in my mind's point of view, a serious, eyes-not-smiling Akhenaten, nothing like the one that Ruowen had painted, the Akhenaten with so much love.
Well, I did my best. Thank you Akhenaten gave me the chance to catch my fear in my mind. I will do something about it.
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身。心。靈 (3)
